He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize