remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
