I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
