Just cropdusted the office
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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