i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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