your thong is hanging out like whoa
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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