Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
