Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
