RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
