dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
