I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
