No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
