Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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