Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
