um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
