dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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