did you get engaged???
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize