please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
