If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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