One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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