I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
