Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
