So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
