no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
