I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
