Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
