Can Purell be used as lube?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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