I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
