I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
