wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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