just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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