suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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