i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
