My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
