yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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