Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it glows. i had to have it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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