i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
