I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
