The maid of honor just puked.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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