Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize