I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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