I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
