She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i love accidental penises.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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