If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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