Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize