These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
