It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize