we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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