We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
