I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
