Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
