Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
