I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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