mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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