my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Your cock deserves a montage
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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