Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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