he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize