I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize