I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
