I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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