i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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