All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
