when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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