The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize