Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
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