hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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