HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
