On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
