What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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