and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
