forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
