I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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