How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
