i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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