Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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