people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
