pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
