sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
