he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
