I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
