I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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