Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
