just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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