Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
