In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
