Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
