my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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