apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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