I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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