so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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