that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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