fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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